| When it comes to dealing with problems or issues with | | | | What to do? Tell people the truth. People are smart |
| others, we are likely to follow one or more of these | | | | and we are usually lousy actors. People see through |
| solutions that are myths of communication--solutions | | | | us anyway, so be honest and clear. If you have issues |
| that are touted as solutions but can actually cause | | | | talk about them, get right to the point. When you have |
| horrible problems instead. | | | | something nice to say, bring it up in separate |
| Myth #1: Time heals all wounds. The truth is time | | | | conversation or at least in a different part of the |
| usually deepens wounds. If time really healed all | | | | conversation not connected to a problem or something |
| wounds, people would not blame their behavior on their | | | | we really want done. |
| childhood and past events as they often do. In fact, | | | | Myth #5: More communication leads to resolution. The |
| time can deceive us into thinking that problems with | | | | truth is just more communication can lead to wasting |
| others have been resolved, but all it usually takes is to | | | | time and possibly more misunderstandings. Sometimes |
| see them again or something to remind us of the past | | | | people believe and operate as if people talk about |
| unresolved issues and we will become upset all over | | | | more things, that clarity will somehow magically |
| again. In essence our unresolved past is lying around | | | | emerge from the sheer volume of information and |
| waiting to strike us in the present. | | | | issues will get handled. But how often have you been |
| What to do? Don't rationalize, "Well, they are not | | | | in a meeting where people "talked about things" and |
| saying or bringing it up. So I will just let it go." Just | | | | nothing got resolved. |
| because they are not bringing it up doesn't mean they | | | | Consider this. If the solution were simply increased |
| let it go. They may feel awkward or embarrassed or | | | | amounts of communication, wouldn't you expect, for |
| may not know how to bring it up so they have | | | | example that e-mail, cell phones, video conferencing to |
| decided to bury it. The key is to proactively bring up | | | | have significantly reduced communication problems? In |
| issues and resolve them. | | | | spite of all of these extra tools now available, it seems |
| Myth #2: Don't Rock the Boat. The truth is if you don't | | | | there are more misunderstandings, mistakes and |
| rock the boat, the boat will probably sink. Faced with | | | | conflicts than ever before. And people still complain |
| an issue or problem that is bothering us, many people | | | | that they don't receive the feedback they need to do |
| rationalize, "I am not going to say anything. It's not that | | | | their jobs properly. |
| big a deal. I don't want to rock the boat" The problem | | | | In fact, communication technologies can also help |
| with this way of thinking is if we don't say anything, the | | | | people spread misinformation with blazing speed, |
| issue is unlikely to be resolved. Then what was once a | | | | sometimes with devastating results. Communication |
| small issue may fester and grow into a big problem. | | | | technology is not inherently bad. The way people use it |
| What to do? As stated above, proactively bring up | | | | is often ineffective. Increasing the amount of |
| issues as they happen. | | | | communication through multiple channels is not the |
| Myth #3: Be Diplomatic. The truth is if we are too | | | | answer in and of itself. |
| diplomatic, the person may not get the point and | | | | What to do? Instead of just increasing the amount of |
| nothing may get resolved. Have you ever had | | | | communication, make sure that people know how to |
| someone be upset with you claiming that they told you | | | | effectively use the different ways to communicate. If |
| about something and you did not do anything about it? | | | | learned, these methods can make the critical |
| Upon retrospect you realize that they might have | | | | difference in successfully resolving issues as they |
| brought it up but the person was so diplomatic, the | | | | arise. |
| person beat-around-the-bush and you missed the point. | | | | Take Action |
| What to do? When we have an issue, yes-bringing | | | | Pass this tip on to people you care about, your |
| things up in an understanding way is important, just | | | | co-workers, your boss, your employees, family and |
| make sure the issue and what you want done is clear. | | | | friends. Use it as a basis to talk to the people around |
| Myth #4: Sandwich what you want to really say | | | | your office, in your organization and your personal life. |
| between two compliments. The truth is the "sandwich | | | | Have an upfront conversation about the "myths of |
| method" is so transparent that people immediately | | | | communication" and what everyone is willing to do |
| identify the strategy and feel manipulated. The | | | | differently. This way everyone will benefit from the |
| sandwich method is when you place what you really | | | | knowledge and wisdom we all have to contribute. |
| want to say between two positive compliments. "I | | | | If you need help and/or guidance call us, we can help. |
| appreciate how hard you work, but blah, blah, blah... and | | | | Together we can make the difference! |
| thank you for working with me on this." Such | | | | Copyright, 2007 Steven Gaffney Company, All Rights |
| communication tricks can permanently damage | | | | Reserved. |
| relationships. | | | | |